Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Back once again after a long sojourn! Have had a pretty tired and unhappy time from the last time that I put pen to paper or should I say more appropriately typed in.

I am not happy; I have every reason to be happy but just cannot seem to grasp it, and keep a hold on it. There are fleetingly small moments of happiness, which pass so soon that it seems surreal.

Sins committed by me seem to revisit every time the dragon deigns it fit to rear its head! Wounds that I have inflicted on myself and my daughters do not get a chance to heal. I am inundated by criticism, mental abuse, humiliation and manipulation. Everytime it seems that things are getting better they are actually lying in wait to turn ugly and by that I mean real ugly.

Should I leave and heal by myself and give my kids a chance to heal also; or should I stay in the hope that things will be better. Speaking candidly I do not believe that it would ever get better maybe worse and I fear that.

It would be so damn easy if life had a Help manual; wherein you could refer to any chapter or paragraph to find the solution. I pray will all my heart that things would get better but God seems to have a plan of His own as to when. Maybe when death visits to collect my earthly remains!